Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
