I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Randomize
