worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
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