My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
