How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
