I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
