she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Randomize
