bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I'm both gender and math confused
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