we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
