Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
