Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
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