my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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