At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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