Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Randomize
