i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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