I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
