Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
