I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
