Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Randomize
