I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
