D3 body, D1 cock
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
