I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
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