HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
There are leaves in my underwear?
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