If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Randomize
