When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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