I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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