Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
