just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
