I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
