did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
