Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
