I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
