I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Randomize
