I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Randomize
