I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
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