WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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