I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
