worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
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