38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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