My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement 😭😂
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