Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
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