Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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