so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Randomize
