guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
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