How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
