i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
