he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
