I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
