i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
This baby is an asshole
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
