Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
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